Ugly Reflection

Well, it finally happened. I looked in the mirror the other day and I spoke these words to my reflection, "Eww, girl, what have you done?". As I stared in my bathroom mirror, still foggy from my steamy shower, I couldn't believe how ugly I felt. Sure, since I cut off my locs on 8/22, I've had fleeting moments of doubt about my decision to wear a teeny weeny afro. However, this was different. I honestly felt that I looked like an overweight dude and THAT was my biggest beauty fear come true.

As I type this I realize that it may sound superficial. However, this is what I felt in that moment. I was ashamed to have these negative internal dialogues. After all, I am a proud Black woman who teaches classes on diversity and identity. Why in the world was I allowing myself to fall prey to the negative hype out there about my beauty? "Tina", I said to my reflection, "you are a beautiful woman. The only reason you feel ugly is because your hair has been devalued in society. Your coily hair is BEAUTIFUL. Your Afrocentric features are GORGEOUS".

Honestly, I felt so bad that I didn't even want to write this blog. How can I encourage other people to be positive about themselves when I felt so downright unattractive? The good thing is that the feeling did pass. BUT, I do wonder if it will return. What do you see when you look in the mirror?

This hair-identity-self esteem connection is real.

Image found at: http://www.thisisyourconscience.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/shapeimage_1.png

Ugly Reflection

Well, it finally happened. I looked in the mirror the other day and I spoke these words to my reflection, "Eww, girl, what have you done?". As I stared in my bathroom mirror, still foggy from my steamy shower, I couldn't believe how ugly I felt. Sure, since I cut off my locs on 8/22, I've had fleeting moments of doubt about my decision to wear a teeny weeny afro. However, this was different. I honestly felt that I looked like an overweight dude and THAT was my biggest beauty fear come true.

As I type this I realize that it may sound superficial. However, this is what I felt in that moment. I was ashamed to have these negative internal dialogues. After all, I am a proud Black woman who teaches classes on diversity and identity. Why in the world was I allowing myself to fall prey to the negative hype out there about my beauty? "Tina", I said to my reflection, "you are a beautiful woman. The only reason you feel ugly is because your hair has been devalued in society. Your coily hair is BEAUTIFUL. Your Afrocentric features are GORGEOUS".

Honestly, I felt so bad that I didn't even want to write this blog. How can I encourage other people to be positive about themselves when I felt so downright unattractive? The good thing is that the feeling did pass. BUT, I do wonder if it will return. What do you see when you look in the mirror?

This hair-identity-self esteem connection is real.

Image found at: http://www.thisisyourconscience.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/shapeimage_1.png

Vaseline and mineral oil good for your hair? Hey, if it works for Corrine Bailey Rae...

How many of you have heard that mineral oil and Vaseline are horrible for your hair? Well, this blog post on CurlyNikki.com may change your mind (http://www.curlynikki.com/2011/10/closer-look-at-mineral-oil-natural-hair.html?utm_source=cn_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20111021).

Apparently, even Corrine Bailey Rae (can you say GORGEOUS hair!?) uses Vaseline on her tresses (http://www.curlynikki.com/2011/10/corrine-bailey-rae-i-wanted-to-start.html).

I AM NOT SAYING THAT YOU SHOULD GO OUT AND SLATHER mineral oil and/or Vaseline on your strands. What I am saying is that a respectable site is exploring WHY these products have such a bad rap and inquiring if the rap is warranted. Hmmm, I feel a mini research project coming on.

Anyway, I welcome your thoughts. Have you ever tried mineral oil or Vaseline on your hair? What were the results?

P.S.: This makes me wonder if I mistakenly judged the last loctitian who put baby oil on my locs (before I started sporting my TWA that is).

Image of Corrine Bailey Rae: http://www.myhairdivine.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/corinne-bailey-rae.jpg

Image of Vaseline: http://www.thecheapgirl.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/vaseline.jpg

Vaseline and mineral oil good for your hair? Hey, if it works for Corrine Bailey Rae...

How many of you have heard that mineral oil and Vaseline are horrible for your hair? Well, this blog post on CurlyNikki.com may change your mind (http://www.curlynikki.com/2011/10/closer-look-at-mineral-oil-natural-hair.html?utm_source=cn_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20111021).

Apparently, even Corrine Bailey Rae (can you say GORGEOUS hair!?) uses Vaseline on her tresses (http://www.curlynikki.com/2011/10/corrine-bailey-rae-i-wanted-to-start.html).

I AM NOT SAYING THAT YOU SHOULD GO OUT AND SLATHER mineral oil and/or Vaseline on your strands. What I am saying is that a respectable site is exploring WHY these products have such a bad rap and inquiring if the rap is warranted. Hmmm, I feel a mini research project coming on.

Anyway, I welcome your thoughts. Have you ever tried mineral oil or Vaseline on your hair? What were the results?

P.S.: This makes me wonder if I mistakenly judged the last loctitian who put baby oil on my locs (before I started sporting my TWA that is).

Image of Corrine Bailey Rae: http://www.myhairdivine.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/corinne-bailey-rae.jpg

Image of Vaseline: http://www.thecheapgirl.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/vaseline.jpg

Film on Black women's natural hair!

I am so excited to learn about an upcoming film on Black women's natural hair. See the clip here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yt34cFksDlo. Thanks to The Nappturalite Radio Show for posting about this!

Film on Black women's natural hair!

I am so excited to learn about an upcoming film on Black women's natural hair. See the clip here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yt34cFksDlo. Thanks to The Nappturalite Radio Show for posting about this!

Wearing Natural and it Feels So Good (to the tune of "Reunited" by Peaches & Herb)

The beautiful Mrs. Esther Rege Berg

The other day, I got the following note from Esther Rege Berg, a high school friend, that made tears of gratitude stream down my face.

Hi Tina,

I hope this note finds you well. I wanted to drop you line and let you know that your blog inspired me to not just go natural, but “wear” natural!

For years I’ve worn my hair in braids – mainly for the sake of convenience. I’d alternate between braids and wearing it straight. Last year, I had been in braids for a few months before I found out I was pregnant. Before the braids I had been getting it straightened with a Keratin treatment (a very toxic procedure) so it was all braids all the time until after the baby. So Avery was born in May, and I came back to work just after Labor Day. I *needed* to do something different with my hair because I started to notice that the little braids were taking a toll on my hairline.

Originally, my plan was to remove the braids and get another Keratin treatment. When I realized that the harsh chemicals would come in contact with little Avery’s face (holding her and such), I rethought the plan. With the braids out, I was doing what I had always done: blow-dry and flat iron straight until I make the next move.

Not long ago, I came across your blog on a rainy day that made me feel that it would be foolhardy to leave the house without the flattening iron. Your blog reminded me how I felt years ago when I did the Big Chop, and how empowering the TWA truly is. Why go through such gymnastics and fight nature trying to straighten hair that very obviously does not want to be straight?

I read more on your site, checked out a bunch of the blogs that you follow, and watched a bunch of videos on YouTube, and today I came to work with my hair out and as kinky/curly as it wants to be! It feels great knowing that everything on my head is organic and even better not living in constant fear of the weather!

All of that being said, I just wanted to thank you for your blog and let you know that I’d be happy to be interviewed if you’re still looking for people to talk to.

All the best,
Esther Rege Berg

Esther, I am so proud of you! Everytime I read your note, I get verklempt. Thank you for sharing and I can't wait to watch your journey! :)

Wearing Natural and it Feels So Good (to the tune of "Reunited" by Peaches & Herb)

The beautiful Mrs. Esther Rege Berg

The other day, I got the following note from Esther Rege Berg, a high school friend, that made tears of gratitude stream down my face.

Hi Tina,

I hope this note finds you well. I wanted to drop you line and let you know that your blog inspired me to not just go natural, but “wear” natural!

For years I’ve worn my hair in braids – mainly for the sake of convenience. I’d alternate between braids and wearing it straight. Last year, I had been in braids for a few months before I found out I was pregnant. Before the braids I had been getting it straightened with a Keratin treatment (a very toxic procedure) so it was all braids all the time until after the baby. So Avery was born in May, and I came back to work just after Labor Day. I *needed* to do something different with my hair because I started to notice that the little braids were taking a toll on my hairline.

Originally, my plan was to remove the braids and get another Keratin treatment. When I realized that the harsh chemicals would come in contact with little Avery’s face (holding her and such), I rethought the plan. With the braids out, I was doing what I had always done: blow-dry and flat iron straight until I make the next move.

Not long ago, I came across your blog on a rainy day that made me feel that it would be foolhardy to leave the house without the flattening iron. Your blog reminded me how I felt years ago when I did the Big Chop, and how empowering the TWA truly is. Why go through such gymnastics and fight nature trying to straighten hair that very obviously does not want to be straight?

I read more on your site, checked out a bunch of the blogs that you follow, and watched a bunch of videos on YouTube, and today I came to work with my hair out and as kinky/curly as it wants to be! It feels great knowing that everything on my head is organic and even better not living in constant fear of the weather!

All of that being said, I just wanted to thank you for your blog and let you know that I’d be happy to be interviewed if you’re still looking for people to talk to.

All the best,
Esther Rege Berg

Esther, I am so proud of you! Everytime I read your note, I get verklempt. Thank you for sharing and I can't wait to watch your journey! :)

Best way to refresh natural hair?

I am happy that despite an intense workout, my twist outs are still in fabulous shape. Once I’d showered, I unwrapped my hair (I use a satin head wrap / scarf when I sleep and when I shower) and applied coconut oil. I gently rubbed my hair in a circular motion thinking that any stray hairs would be swirled up into my coils. I was happy with the final look.

As I mentioned the other morning, I am now on a hunt for tips on how to refresh my hairstyles…especially twist outs (I simply love this style and I bet I’ll be wearing it a lot). On one hand, I have heard that whenever you refresh your hair, water should be involved. On the other hand, I’m hesitant to wet my hair in any way shape or fashion when I’m trying to preserve a hairstyle. What do you all do?

Best way to refresh natural hair?

I am happy that despite an intense workout, my twist outs are still in fabulous shape. Once I’d showered, I unwrapped my hair (I use a satin head wrap / scarf when I sleep and when I shower) and applied coconut oil. I gently rubbed my hair in a circular motion thinking that any stray hairs would be swirled up into my coils. I was happy with the final look.

As I mentioned the other morning, I am now on a hunt for tips on how to refresh my hairstyles…especially twist outs (I simply love this style and I bet I’ll be wearing it a lot). On one hand, I have heard that whenever you refresh your hair, water should be involved. On the other hand, I’m hesitant to wet my hair in any way shape or fashion when I’m trying to preserve a hairstyle. What do you all do?

Workout hair tips

I am having a superficial hair dilemma this morning. Why superficial? Well, I just had my hair professionally twisted last week and it came out great (thanks Niecy). This morning I have an intense boot camp class. Don't get me wrong, I AM GOING to my class but I hate the way my hair gets puffy at the roots. Aargh. Hey! I will choose health over style AND DAY!

However, I am now on a hunt to find out how folks preserve/ protect natural hair styles (especially twist outs and other loose styles). Please share your workout tips. I will be sure to post a comprehensive list. Thanks!

Workout hair tips

I am having a superficial hair dilemma this morning. Why superficial? Well, I just had my hair professionally twisted last week and it came out great (thanks Niecy). This morning I have an intense boot camp class. Don't get me wrong, I AM GOING to my class but I hate the way my hair gets puffy at the roots. Aargh. Hey! I will choose health over style AND DAY!

However, I am now on a hunt to find out how folks preserve/ protect natural hair styles (especially twist outs and other loose styles). Please share your workout tips. I will be sure to post a comprehensive list. Thanks!

Circle of Sisters

What do a judge, a law clerk, a VP of Communications and several administrators have in common? I interviewed each of them about natural hair and the workplace at the 2011 Circle of Sisters (http://www.circleofsisters.com/). Marlene Duperley of Doris New York (http://www.dorisnewyork.com/) was kind enough to allow me to use her booth (#200, straight up the escalators AMAZING spot for traffic!) as my home base as I interviewed several women about hair and the workplace. But I’m getting ahead of myself. First, let me tell you about the expo!

Who do you think I saw at the expo? Nicole Ari Parker (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicole_Ari_Parker) and Boris Kodjoe (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boris_Kodjoe )! Yes, they are both beautiful in person…I didn’t get a chance to talk with either of them so I’m afraid I’m being highly superficial and talking about their physical beauty…gorgeous!

Anyway, it was a wonderful feeling to walk into an expo hall filled to the gills with entrepreneurs and vendors in pursuit of “New York’s women of color”. Plus, I LOVE to see women doing their thing and pursuing their passion with fervor. Marlene is a SMART business woman, she had the expo hall abuzz as she and two other models handed out marketing materials while sporting huge ball gown skirts and cute t-shirts (Marlene designed them, check out her website for further details). By the way, I am not employed by Marlene or Doris New York. But, I will holler your name from the hilltops if I think you are cool and have fabulous products. So, here I go on to holler about Zandria’s fabulous jewelry. I bought a CUTE black and white dress from Chico’s but couldn’t quite find the right jewelry. I found what I needed when I took one look at Zandria’s black and clear Czech crystal hoop earrings (I’m wearing them in today’s blog shot). It just feels good to support these businesswomen.

Also, if you are willing for me to interview you about hair and the workplace, please email me at tropie7189@gmail.com. Thanks!

Circle of Sisters

What do a judge, a law clerk, a VP of Communications and several administrators have in common? I interviewed each of them about natural hair and the workplace at the 2011 Circle of Sisters (http://www.circleofsisters.com/). Marlene Duperley of Doris New York (http://www.dorisnewyork.com/) was kind enough to allow me to use her booth (#200, straight up the escalators AMAZING spot for traffic!) as my home base as I interviewed several women about hair and the workplace. But I’m getting ahead of myself. First, let me tell you about the expo!

Who do you think I saw at the expo? Nicole Ari Parker (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicole_Ari_Parker) and Boris Kodjoe (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boris_Kodjoe )! Yes, they are both beautiful in person…I didn’t get a chance to talk with either of them so I’m afraid I’m being highly superficial and talking about their physical beauty…gorgeous!

Anyway, it was a wonderful feeling to walk into an expo hall filled to the gills with entrepreneurs and vendors in pursuit of “New York’s women of color”. Plus, I LOVE to see women doing their thing and pursuing their passion with fervor. Marlene is a SMART business woman, she had the expo hall abuzz as she and two other models handed out marketing materials while sporting huge ball gown skirts and cute t-shirts (Marlene designed them, check out her website for further details). By the way, I am not employed by Marlene or Doris New York. But, I will holler your name from the hilltops if I think you are cool and have fabulous products. So, here I go on to holler about Zandria’s fabulous jewelry. I bought a CUTE black and white dress from Chico’s but couldn’t quite find the right jewelry. I found what I needed when I took one look at Zandria’s black and clear Czech crystal hoop earrings (I’m wearing them in today’s blog shot). It just feels good to support these businesswomen.

Also, if you are willing for me to interview you about hair and the workplace, please email me at tropie7189@gmail.com. Thanks!

Chocolate Hair / Vanilla Care

Rory Hadley, creater of Chocolatehairvanillacare.com, and her daughter

One website that I think is fabulous is “Chocolate Hair, Vanilla Care” (http://www.chocolatehairvanillacare.com/) (see a write up here: http://www.theroot.com/buzz/chocolate-hair-vanilla-care). The website was created by Rory Hadley as an outlet to share her experiences as a White Mom raising her Black adopted daughter (can you say cute as a button!?). I LOVE this site and have used it myself when seeking tips about hair styling.

I hate to admit it but when I see unkempt Black / multi-racial children with uncombed hair and ashy skin, I often wonder, “Man, do they have White parents?” Why do I think this? Because I have encountered multiple instances where such children have been raised or adopted by White parents. The parents seem to have no clue how to take care of their children’s’ hair and skin more or less the children’s egos and self-esteem that may be battered as these youngsters grow up and realize: 1) that they are different than their family members / parents; and, 2) that society may devalue them.

That is why I love “Chocolate Hair, Vanilla Care”. Ms. Hadley talks about hair and also manages to make deeper connections to how hair affects self-esteem and self image. Thanks Ms. Hadley!

Image found at: http://www.theroot.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/large-image/Snapshot%202011-10-04%2000-40-31.jpg

Chocolate Hair / Vanilla Care

Rory Hadley, creater of Chocolatehairvanillacare.com, and her daughter

One website that I think is fabulous is “Chocolate Hair, Vanilla Care” (http://www.chocolatehairvanillacare.com/) (see a write up here: http://www.theroot.com/buzz/chocolate-hair-vanilla-care). The website was created by Rory Hadley as an outlet to share her experiences as a White Mom raising her Black adopted daughter (can you say cute as a button!?). I LOVE this site and have used it myself when seeking tips about hair styling.

I hate to admit it but when I see unkempt Black / multi-racial children with uncombed hair and ashy skin, I often wonder, “Man, do they have White parents?” Why do I think this? Because I have encountered multiple instances where such children have been raised or adopted by White parents. The parents seem to have no clue how to take care of their children’s’ hair and skin more or less the children’s egos and self-esteem that may be battered as these youngsters grow up and realize: 1) that they are different than their family members / parents; and, 2) that society may devalue them.

That is why I love “Chocolate Hair, Vanilla Care”. Ms. Hadley talks about hair and also manages to make deeper connections to how hair affects self-esteem and self image. Thanks Ms. Hadley!

Image found at: http://www.theroot.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/large-image/Snapshot%202011-10-04%2000-40-31.jpg

Natural Hair a Dating No-No? Maybe if you want to date the Old Spice Man

Oh no, please don’t tell me Isaiah Mustafa (of Old Spice and now Charlie’s Angels fame) has messed up! Apparently, Mr. Mustafah stated that the woman he ends up with must have “good hair”…I guess to offset what he referred to as his own “slightly nappy” hair (http://www.styleite.com/beauty/isaiah-mustafa-good-hair-apology/. Seriously!? Mr. Mustafa did apologize on Twitter but I think that what may be hardest to swallow is that he revealed what many of us think Black men believe: that our hair in its natural state is not good enough; that a man may sleep with us if we have kinky, natural hair but that such a mane might take us out of the running for marriage. I am grateful to be happily married to a man who has fervently stated that he loves me no matter what and only wants me and my hair to be healthy (that took relaxers out of the mix because I kept getting “bald patches” in the back left. So not cute when he would run his fingers through my hair…umm, scalp in some spots!). For those out there seeking Mr. Right, do you feel that natural hair is a hindrance on the dating scene? Would you relax your hair if a serious boyfriend asked you to do so?

P.S.: I watched Charlie’s Angels (http://beta.abc.go.com/shows/charlies-angels) on Hulu because I plan to blog about the beauty images (i.e., did you know that one of the new Angels, Annie Ngosi Ilonzeh a Nigerian-American who plays Kate Prince on the new run of Charlie’s Angels, rocks a curly fro? Hmmm, in one scene the Angels dive into a body of water and I really, really wanted to see how they were going to show her hair after that. Okay, yes, I am WAY attentive to details!). Mr. Mustafa plays Kate Prince’s ex-fiancé and I must say that he was a decent actor and quite easy on the eyes.

Image found at: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00d8341c630a53ef012877b43d87970c-pi

Natural Hair a Dating No-No? Maybe if you want to date the Old Spice Man

Oh no, please don’t tell me Isaiah Mustafa (of Old Spice and now Charlie’s Angels fame) has messed up! Apparently, Mr. Mustafah stated that the woman he ends up with must have “good hair”…I guess to offset what he referred to as his own “slightly nappy” hair (http://www.styleite.com/beauty/isaiah-mustafa-good-hair-apology/. Seriously!? Mr. Mustafa did apologize on Twitter but I think that what may be hardest to swallow is that he revealed what many of us think Black men believe: that our hair in its natural state is not good enough; that a man may sleep with us if we have kinky, natural hair but that such a mane might take us out of the running for marriage. I am grateful to be happily married to a man who has fervently stated that he loves me no matter what and only wants me and my hair to be healthy (that took relaxers out of the mix because I kept getting “bald patches” in the back left. So not cute when he would run his fingers through my hair…umm, scalp in some spots!). For those out there seeking Mr. Right, do you feel that natural hair is a hindrance on the dating scene? Would you relax your hair if a serious boyfriend asked you to do so?

P.S.: I watched Charlie’s Angels (http://beta.abc.go.com/shows/charlies-angels) on Hulu because I plan to blog about the beauty images (i.e., did you know that one of the new Angels, Annie Ngosi Ilonzeh a Nigerian-American who plays Kate Prince on the new run of Charlie’s Angels, rocks a curly fro? Hmmm, in one scene the Angels dive into a body of water and I really, really wanted to see how they were going to show her hair after that. Okay, yes, I am WAY attentive to details!). Mr. Mustafa plays Kate Prince’s ex-fiancé and I must say that he was a decent actor and quite easy on the eyes.

Image found at: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00d8341c630a53ef012877b43d87970c-pi