How do you withstand negative messages about your beauty?

Over the last week or so, I’ve felt compelled to write about the Internet buzz surrounding racist comments about Black women (see http://tropie7189.blogspot.com/2011/05/objective-beauty-ladies-embrace-your.html) and a fantastic movie by Bill Duke (Duke Media) and D Channsin Berry (Urban Winter Entertainment) called Dark Girls which explores colorism (http://vimeo.com/24155797). These conversations have further illuminated the importance of evaluating how we perceive our beauty and recognizing that the value we affix to hair texture, color, etc. are in part determined by how we think (and sometimes know) others perceive us. So what do you do when there are negative perceptions of you? When people invalidate you? Obviously, I don’t have all of the answers. However, I can say for myself that, as a Christian woman my self-concept has to be tied to who Jesus says I am. When I stray from that, I find myself depressed and worried about the opinions of others, constantly chasing external validation and affirmation. You may not believe in Christ but what do you believe in? What anchors your self-concept? What stable source provides you with guidance to withstand the constant barrage of messages that we are not good enough? Please comment on how you withstand negative messages about your beauty, about your self-worth more generally?

Back when I was a consultant, wearing my hair in locs was empowering and challenging at the same time. I remember a time when I was told that I needed to better reflect the appearance of the client executives who’d engaged our consulting team. Thank God for Jesus (both for anchoring me and preventing me from punching homegirl out)! I was able to say, wait a minute, God made my hair like this, my color like this and God doesn’t make junk! This girl is just straight crazy! Yes, it was still hard to accept that some people don’t think I’m beautiful. However, the more important message that I took away was that I wanted to represent who I am not only for me but for the other people I encountered who were strengthened by my willingness to uncover, reveal and CELEBRATE my natural state.

There are many sites that encourage celebration of natural hair, here are a few: http://www.textureplayground.com/blog/, http://newlynatural.com/blog/,

http://naturalhairgenie.com/2011/05/20/miscellaneous/lets-celebrate-our-natural-hair, http://www.naturallycurly.com/curlreading/kinky-hair-type-4a/fro-fashion-week-celebrates-natural-hair.

How do you withstand negative messages about your beauty?

Over the last week or so, I’ve felt compelled to write about the Internet buzz surrounding racist comments about Black women (see http://tropie7189.blogspot.com/2011/05/objective-beauty-ladies-embrace-your.html) and a fantastic movie by Bill Duke (Duke Media) and D Channsin Berry (Urban Winter Entertainment) called Dark Girls which explores colorism (http://vimeo.com/24155797). These conversations have further illuminated the importance of evaluating how we perceive our beauty and recognizing that the value we affix to hair texture, color, etc. are in part determined by how we think (and sometimes know) others perceive us. So what do you do when there are negative perceptions of you? When people invalidate you? Obviously, I don’t have all of the answers. However, I can say for myself that, as a Christian woman my self-concept has to be tied to who Jesus says I am. When I stray from that, I find myself depressed and worried about the opinions of others, constantly chasing external validation and affirmation. You may not believe in Christ but what do you believe in? What anchors your self-concept? What stable source provides you with guidance to withstand the constant barrage of messages that we are not good enough? Please comment on how you withstand negative messages about your beauty, about your self-worth more generally?

Back when I was a consultant, wearing my hair in locs was empowering and challenging at the same time. I remember a time when I was told that I needed to better reflect the appearance of the client executives who’d engaged our consulting team. Thank God for Jesus (both for anchoring me and preventing me from punching homegirl out)! I was able to say, wait a minute, God made my hair like this, my color like this and God doesn’t make junk! This girl is just straight crazy! Yes, it was still hard to accept that some people don’t think I’m beautiful. However, the more important message that I took away was that I wanted to represent who I am not only for me but for the other people I encountered who were strengthened by my willingness to uncover, reveal and CELEBRATE my natural state.

There are many sites that encourage celebration of natural hair, here are a few: http://www.textureplayground.com/blog/, http://newlynatural.com/blog/,

http://naturalhairgenie.com/2011/05/20/miscellaneous/lets-celebrate-our-natural-hair, http://www.naturallycurly.com/curlreading/kinky-hair-type-4a/fro-fashion-week-celebrates-natural-hair.

Please Watch! DARK GIRLS documentary preview

Image found at: http://www.mookychick.co.uk/images/body/makeup-for-dark-skin2.jpg

One of the things I love about technology is that it enables us to learn about amazing things going on in the world. I recently watched a preview of the documentary “Dark Girls” and it looks like a phenomenal film (http://vimeo.com/24155797). The film delves into the pain associated with being a dark-skinned Black woman in the United States and also touches upon other ethnicity markers like hair texture. In addition, the Vimeo site says that the film will explore skin color bias more generally. Bravo to Bill Duke (Duke Media) and D Channsin Berry (Urban Winter Entertainment) for directing and producing what will surely be an important contribution to our ongoing discussion about how we can embrace our full identities as people of color. More broadly, the film may speak to the need for all people to accept their authentic selves. Any ideas on how to get the word out about this film? Also, to the men out there: does skin color bias affect you? How? We often talk about this from a woman's perspective but I bet you all have some stories to share as well. Please chime in. :)

My blog tends to talk about my personal experiences so there has been quite a bit written about how my identity as a Black woman affects me. However, many of you from other ethnic backgrounds have confided in me that you too face challenges when it comes to hair, appearance, acceptance of self and concerns about how others perceive you. Please share your stories, I think they may help others.

Please Watch! DARK GIRLS documentary preview

Image found at: http://www.mookychick.co.uk/images/body/makeup-for-dark-skin2.jpg

One of the things I love about technology is that it enables us to learn about amazing things going on in the world. I recently watched a preview of the documentary “Dark Girls” and it looks like a phenomenal film (http://vimeo.com/24155797). The film delves into the pain associated with being a dark-skinned Black woman in the United States and also touches upon other ethnicity markers like hair texture. In addition, the Vimeo site says that the film will explore skin color bias more generally. Bravo to Bill Duke (Duke Media) and D Channsin Berry (Urban Winter Entertainment) for directing and producing what will surely be an important contribution to our ongoing discussion about how we can embrace our full identities as people of color. More broadly, the film may speak to the need for all people to accept their authentic selves. Any ideas on how to get the word out about this film? Also, to the men out there: does skin color bias affect you? How? We often talk about this from a woman's perspective but I bet you all have some stories to share as well. Please chime in. :)

My blog tends to talk about my personal experiences so there has been quite a bit written about how my identity as a Black woman affects me. However, many of you from other ethnic backgrounds have confided in me that you too face challenges when it comes to hair, appearance, acceptance of self and concerns about how others perceive you. Please share your stories, I think they may help others.